First Steps: Milo

Do you remember your first steps? 

I do. 

And they were... disastrous.

I teetered, tottered, staggered, stumbled, so unused to my surroundings that within seconds I had crashed to the wooden floor of our kitchen with a loud “umph”. 

Ahh. 

This was going to take some time. 

It always does when one of us new headmates fronts for the first time. 

You may ask yourselves: Why? 

And ... it’s... It’s hard to explain. 

After all, we - the collective We, the definite article - have been walking for around 25 years, ever since we were a small kid. Even when we switched, many of our alters were around somewhere in the background and picked up on context clues through... I don’t know, osmosis? Muscle memory?

 Something like that. 

One foot in front of the other, that kind of thing. 

So ingrained, you don’t think, you just... do.

Yet, there are also those of us, like myself, who... didn’t have that same experience. That luxury. 

That, when fronting for the first time, we are so unused to our body, the feeling of gravity, balance, and momentum that we just... trip. Drop like a dead weight to the ground. And can’t get up. Like Bambi on ice. Or a toddler. 

Crawling. Shuffling. Sliding. 

Grappling for our stick, or a chair’s arm, or our partner, anything really, to get back onto our feet. 

Or more accurately, into a quiet place to take stock of this new predicament. 

You see, I ... We formed later in life, after splits, with no memories, no skills... and no control of motor function. We have to learn on the fly. First sights. Then smells. Then sounds. Then reading. 

All of it. 

And that’s a lot of pressure. To cram 27 years of life experience, 27 years of skills that we take for granted, into ... a day. A week. A month. 

We don’t have long to learn it either. Because it is back to reality with a bang, when people asked us if we were okay. Or if we are on drugs. And that’s just the parademics who are sometimes called after a seizure. 

It’s scary. But ... also thrilling. 

We just need to remember. Walk before we can run. 

One foot in front of the other. 

And invest in knee pads and a scrum cap. 

Alt Diary Entries 3rd - 10th of January, 2025

Remembering to write these is harder than we thought, even with the journal. So let's try and work on that for the future. Hey ho, we're here now so let's go for it. 

So not much has happened this week. Well ... except for starting back at work after the Winter holidays. It was nice to get back into the routine, and we got pretty much everything we wanted done. Which is aces! 

Mainly though this week has been a chill one, staying with my partner, and that has been magic. 

Kitty and Talon are so much happier. They don't feel the need to hide as much as they do when certain other people are around. Which is truly amazing. However, because of this, there have been a lot more recesses these past few days, which can be ... exhausting. No wonder we are going to bed at 10 o'clock each night when we have the equivalent of two excitable adolescents fronting for hours at a time.  Kitty alone is hard enough to wrangle, but add Talon into the mix and it makes it that much harder. Explains the fatigue we are constantly feeling. With time and energy going to sustain 13 alters, with different support needs. 

But we can't complain. We wouldn't change it for a thing. Rouge and Thalia are helping keep everyone in check. And we are all happy. So very, very happy. 

Also, we think we have figured out more about Morrigu. They are visually impaired and can not see. So when they front, we lose our vision too. They may think this is a protective instinct, that if we can't see anything potentially triggering, we will be safer in the long term. But that is counterintuitive. As we may need to see something to avoid it. But we also learned how to calm them too. By reassuringly stroking their cheek. Similar to how we give Talon a gentle pat, as a sign to show that they, and by extension us, are safe.

So yeah... that's what's new with us. 

Alt Diary - 02/01/25

You know those days where nothing really happens, but it was nice and pleasant. Yeah, it's been one of those. Which are always quite brilliant to be honest. 

Alt Diary - 01/01/2025

Happy New Year! 

So not much happened, yesterday. Started our new ADHA Planner, and have already ticked off one of our New Year's Resolutions, which was to start the planner and use it every day. That and start journalling. This was sitting in Grammarly (the free version as can't afford to get the premium), and forgot to update it here. 

Actually, we say not much happened. Yesterday Kitty made a chilli for a sweet potato jacket, which was really nice. She doesn't use recipes, though, and just bungs in loads of different things, so thank goodness Rouge was there to oversee, or it would have been disastrous. 

But yeah it was really nice. 

Happy New Year again! ☯️

Alter Diary - 28/12/24

Agreed to start writing this proper in the New Year. 

Alter Diary - 19/12/24

Spent most of today co-fronting with Kitty at our work's Christmas Party. 

Thalia came out during the Christmas quiz. She's quite competitive when she wants to be. Who'd have guessed... Have you ever played her at Mario Kart? Or cards? 🙂😁

Recess in session 

When we were in Lane 7, both Kitty and Talon came out at the same time and began co-fronting, with no supervision from anyone else. This is unusual. Talon tends to come out when in times of stress or is upset, so to see them enjoy fronting with Kitty is a big deal. 

Talon is almost always mute. They require another Alter as an interpreter. Or else use sign language or written communication. 

Having both Talon and Kitty fronting is draining, mind. They have so different energies, that there is a constant tug of war. Kitty has so much energy. Talon is reserved. Kitty is confident. Talon is shy. The back and forth is noticeable. Nevertheless, would not change it. Kitty's enthusiasm is infectious.  And Talon is so desperate to be loved. They want affection, just need to be open to accepting it without feeling like they are going to be hurt or betrayed by the people they love. 

If possible Thalia if you are reading this, please try to have Ace or Rouge on standby to watch out for both Kitty and Talon while fronting. Now more than ever. They are vulnerable, Littles. And Talon gets scared easily. Meanwhile, Kitty is far too trusting for her own good. They need additional support. I know you will do this. ☯️

Now we feel so sleepy. 

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Glossary

• Little - Kitty
• Littlex - Talon 

• Recess: Where Littles co-front.

• Bunnykid: A role describing Littles holding trauma related to abandonment or neglect. - Kitty/Talon
• Cardinal: A role for a Little holding grief or feelings of loss. - Talon 
• Catkid: Littles holding medical and health-related trauma. - Kitty
• Cubkid: A role for Littles carrying food-related trauma. - Talon
• Doekid: Relates to trauma involving family dynamics. - Talon
• Innocence Holder: A Little holding childlike wonder and good memories, often shielded from trauma. -Kitty, with Rouge as protector.
• Lambkid: Relates to trauma tied to religion. - Talon
• Swankid: A role for Littles holding sexual trauma. - Talon
• Òregulator: A Little helping the system regulate emotions by embodying youthfulness. - Kitty