Hello, Kitty.
Hi.
Do you know who I am?
Yeah. You're Doc-tor Cir-See Con-Tan-Stina.
Close enough, yes. Do you know why you're here today?
You wan---ted to talk to us about us.
Exactly. Don't worry. You're not in trouble. This is just merely a little informal get-to-know-you session. Since I am new to the Players, and will be working with you all. That sound okay with you?
Yay!
Good. So tell me a little about yourself.
Ha. Little. That we are. We little. We one of the oldest Littles. We 8. But also we been part of TPCP since being small.
Who was small?
Body was small.
I notice you use the word body just then, instead of saying a name. Was there a reason for that?
Ehh... ... ... We d...don't know.
That's alright.
Did you speak to Ivy...?
Yes.
Is that why I am here?
Yes and no. No, because I want to get to know you better. But yes, because I wanted to see how you were feeling after fronting during such a pivotal moment of development. An existential crisis is horrible at the best of times, especially for someone so young.
I wasn't alone. I had Rouge with me.
I am glad.
And we got ice cream after! It was a chock-o-late ice cream shaped like an an or...orange.
Was it a Terry's?
No. It was mine.
Hmmm...
Do you want to know more about me?
Yes please.
Well... my name is Kitty. Kitty He-Ather-After. I is 8. And I like cake. And and Spider-Man game. And Spyro. And my best friend is Ta---Lon. I is older than Talon by one year.
Do you have any family?
I... have pa--re--nts. Kind of. Body does. Though it com-pla-kate-ed. Body also have a big brother. But he is no brother.
I have read that there have been several family issues over the years. Particularly around feelings of rejection.
I don't want to get any---one in tro--ouble.
No one is going to be in trouble.
Parents bristled when we front. They would grit their teeth and - suck air through teeth - like that. They would say that people need a break from us and that people want to deal with Ivy and not me.
I'm sorry to hear that, Kitty.
Why? You didn't say it.
... And your brother?
Treat body like dirt. Body cut ties.
I did hear that from Ivy. I was sorry to hear it. That must have been hard.
Not as hard as di-a-mond. App-are-ent-ly that is hard-est thing on earth.
Hmm... ... ... Have you ever considered exploring your role and function in TPCP?
We have a function?
We all have a function. And a role. For instance... I am here to help you.
Help me with what?
That's what I would like to know.
Oh... ... ...
For instance, Talon is a bunnykid. Do you know what that is?
He likes bunnies?
No. No. Well... yes. But no. A bunnykid is a member of the system, particularly a Little, that holds feelings surrounding neglect and abandonment.
Oh... ... ...
I think, by working together, we can work out your role and function in TPCP and, who knows, allow you to find the confidence to advocate for yourself and your needs. Your needs and the needs of TPCP when you are fronting.
Ok...
You can take some time to think about it.
No. No. I wanna do it.
Okay... ... ... I think I already know your role.
You do?
Yes. But if you don't mind, I need to gauge a few things with you... ... ...
------------------------------------------------
Can we return to the subject of parents?
Yeah.
What are they like?
They... they ... they shout. They call me a fuck-wit. That is what Body's Dad called me. What is a fuck-wit?
It's not a very nice turn of phrase.
We get the feeling they don't like us around.
Have they said as much?
Yes. They said people want to deal with Ivy. Not me. And asked what it would take for me to disappear. And and and ... people around me want their own space so they can take a break from me.
So a lot of rejection.
Yeah.
And how does that make you feel?
It... hurt...
That's alright. You wish to take a brea----
We want them in life. And they don't want us. And they make us feel... like we not their child. Like we an orphan. Which is silly because they still alive.
Why is that silly? It's not silly for you to feel that way.
O-Han-Ah. O-Han-Ah means family, and family means ...
No one gets left behind. Do you feel left behind, Kitty?
... ... ... We have a Tom.
Your body's partner.
Yeah.
How is he?
He great. He love us for us.
Good.
He family. Friends family. But sometimes feel wrong when we feel friends more fam...mily than f...family.
Sounds like there is a lot of pain and grief there... ... ... Tell me, do you have experience with hospitals and doctors?
Ivy got hit by a car.
When?
14.
Spent over night in hop-ital. We don't like paramedics. They often pinch us. Tell us not to switch in ambulances when we come out of FND seizures. Told me aren't being helpful when we are unresponsive and unable to move limbs.
That is not helpful. Particularly when you're at your most vulnerable.
Someone even splashed water in face. Shoved a pen in mouth. Set of Scarlett's DSTP about people doing very bad things to her. And mum said we were being difficult and ungrateful when we complained about getting hurt by para-medics. HA!... ... Sorry.
No. It's okay. You wish to pause our session?
It okay.
Well, only if you are sure. Now, I know Sapphire has been diagnosed with an OSFED. Do you happen to know when that first...
Primary school. We were told we were overweight. And a teacher in the playground told us off for having a small chocolate pumpkin with Smarties in as a Hallo-Ween treat. That and we're greedy for accidentally picking up 6 pieces of fruit instead of five - they counted single grapes - as lunch time for the fresh fruit plate. Yet did a clean plate club each and every dinner time. And we would get judged if did not clean plate.
... ... ... I see.
See what?
Patterns beginning to emerge. Sources of traumas beginning to take root. Many of which TPCP are still facing today. Tell me, are you religious?
Our body was christ-ened. And apparently we would go to a local group church before we came to Edinbrugh. Our school was also tech-ni-cally a school that did hyms. And readings. And navi-taty.
And they were accepting of a young queer kid?
I mean I was told I would burn in Hell for being a puffle... but that was outside of school. Though when in school Body had an RMPS teacher who expected her to know the word Abba because we were gay. And demanded we name 10 Abba songs on the spot. Is that normal?
... No.
Oh... sorry.
I'm baffled. Not by you. The teacher. Could he name 10 Abba songs off the top of his head?
We don't know.
Exactly. It's so stupidly specific. There is something on my list I don't want to ask you. You hinted at it earlier in your conversation about Scarlett. Do... do you remember that?
No. Should I?
No. No. Well, I've come to the end of my questions for this first session. Will you allow me to share with you my findings?
Okay...
Your role has many functions; you are a cardinal - a grief carrier - cat kid - hold memories about negative experiences around healthcare and hospitals - a cubkid - holding memories and trauma around food - a doe kid & a snake kid - familial troubles... need I say more? - Innocence holders - a role you seem to share with Talon.
You remember all this stuff... more than Ivy does. One would say you hold the memories she had forgotten. Or else... ... ... well, that is for my sessions with Ivy. But there is a reason why you, Delirium and Talon are some of the oldest. Chronologically speaking. You were all doing your best to ensure you survived day after day. And you... ... ... your joy... ... ... some would call it insincere, naïve and irritating. But me ... ... ... I would call it infectious. In a positive way. Even when you are nervous or scared, you wear your heart on your sleeve and you try to show the world so much of the kindness you so desperately crave... that you have been denied. It's not selfish to crave those things. You don't act the way you do for selfish validation. Your intentions. Your joy. It's what makes you, you.
... ... ...
You have an important role, Kitty. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
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